[ReadOrDie]

(Oldbies , for those who don't know, are players that have been playing for past a period of 5 years,kinda non stop)

How many oldbies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five oldbies, a newbie, and a newbie helper.
A newbie helper to help a newbie actually screw it in and five oldbies to complain about how good it was when the light was out.

[ReadOrDie]

(A couple of discworld oldbies picking on a newbie cause they get tired of stupid questions on the newbie channel, the person actually believed he should do what they said)

(newbie) Lythe: what do i do with something after i've killed it?
(newbie) Anon: loot it's corpse and bury it
(newbie) ColdBlade: eat the body parts
(newbie) BungHolio: yes try the genitalia
(newbie) ColdBlade: its an AM tradition

[ReadOrDie]

(a cre is a creator)

Animosity wisps: how _does_ a cre's mind work?
Nevvyn wisps: Slowly.

[ReadOrDie]

(Just funny)

Reix wisps: My monkey giggles when I squeeze it.
Feet wisps: Err, that's Elmo, Reix.
Aerk wisps: Reix's monkey is big and red and looks like Drakkos.
Reix wisps: I find your obsession with my monkey disturbing, Aerk.
Aerk wisps: I will have it, one day soon!

[ReadOrDie]

(Ok these are quotes I know but i can't find the jokes yet)

Taffyd wisps: I know that deep down this MUD is filled with helping, caring individuals
Rosso wisps: oh please
Rellet wisps: But in REALITY....
DrSurd wisps that he rolls around the floor laughing
Rosso wisps: where Taffyd?
Armourking wisps: Hows it like living on crack, Taffyd?

[ReadOrDie]

(this is what happens on late nights and every oldbie on the chat channel is feeling really stupid and tired)

TuBBy wisps: i LiKe ThAt BoUlDeR...tHaT iS a NiCe BoUlDeR...
Maelin wisps: It either says lktabudrhtsncbudr or it says iiehtoletaiaieole
Warrax wisps: I think the second has more hidden meaning.
Maelin wisps: Hang on...
Maelin wisps: supposing we took those two seemingly meaningless strings of letters, and we interlaced them?
Warrax wisps: My god, I think you may be on to something!
Maelin wisps: Then we would get ether likiteahbtuodlrehttasinacibeuodlre, or ilikethatboulderthatisaniceboulder
Maelin wisps: I think we've picked up something here!
Warrax wisps: Hmmm, try putting the first phrase backwards!
Maelin wisps: Say we read that first one backwards... erldouebicanisattherldoutbhaetikil
Warrax wisps: My god, the last three letters are 'kil'! We've discovered the secret!
Warrax wisps: Tubby is going to .... kill the patrician!
Maelin wisps: If we read that message by taking every two letters and then flipping them and putting it all back together again, we get: redluobecinasitahtredluobtahtekili
Maelin wisps: LooK! The last foor letters are Kili! Tubby is going to murder Kili!
DrSurd wisps: thats a good thing, good for you tubby

[ReadOrDie]

(On discworld a tm is an automatic level up, in higher level chars they get a little rare)

(Wizards) Bacchus wisps: I thought you didn't like offensive tms, Sekiri?
(Wizards) Sekiri wisps: Only because I haven't had one for more than 2 years Bacchus
(Wizards) Bacchus wisps: I can see that. It's like kids walking into the old folks home talking about sex, eh?
(Wizards) Sekiri wisps: Oh no, sex can't compare to an offensive tm!

[ReadOrDie]

(I will let ya'll figure this one out )

Armourking wisps: Mum: "So, how much do you have in the bank now?" Me: "Oh, about 32 royals." Mum: "Eh?"
Irixgero wisps: how is this possible?? The thief's dagger scabbard contains: the somewhat decayed remains of a corpse.

[ReadOrDie]

Tiamat wisps that she tries to fence herself to Jim
Shad wisps: Tiamat isn't worth anything, so you can have it back.
Carnivean wisps: How much did he offer?
ArchBishop wisps: Newbtitution?
Tiamat wisps: a hot sausage
Tiamat wisps: and he waggled his eyebrows
Carnivean wisps: Ooh.

(Melbournites) Draeco: you sick, sex depraved, arrogant, mind-numbingly-stupid, incipid,
(Melbournites) Draeco: petulant, mentally-challenged, socially retarded,
(Melbournites) Draeco: irreverant, completely unknowledgable,
(Melbournites) Draeco: filthy, festering, moulding,
(Melbournites) Draeco: ugly little man who's only friend is a little man named bob who is see through, blue, and floats in through your window every night to sing lullabies to your FEET!
(Melbournites) Draeco: think up a come-back to THAT!
(Melbournites) Draeco: and it can't be 'i know you are, you said you are, so what am i"

(stupid newbies )
(newbie-channel) Thridment: how do i go to the newbie-channel
[The river in question has crocodiles in it that are extremely strong and auto attack anything in said river]
(newbie) Garlank: how do I jump in the river in KLK?

(Two) Maelin wisps: The only reason Egyptians worshipped dung beetles is that I wasn't around for them to worship instead.
(Two) Maelin wisps that he reflects on that sentence.

(a few random character additions)
[Bliss arrives on Discworld for the first time!]
[Pride leaves Discworld]
Honest Trouble leaves north.
{I feel this one needs some explaination, anyone who searches on discwolrd might find a lump f garbage that leaves a smell}
The revolting smell of rotting rubbish wafts over to you from Stench.

[ReadOrDie]

(How to scare newbies)
(newbie) Bazza: anyone know how to play this game?
Pupazz wisps: Just show the whites of your eyes, and boom "Get Thee Away From This Sanctuary Of The Dark Lord, Mortal!" then chase them around cackling.
Maelin wisps: Ridiculous. A human head wouldn't bounce.
Pupazz wisps: ...Nonlethal? We dont deal in that kind of thing. Try the MUD down the street.

[ReadOrDie]

(a lazy bodyguard)
A troll bodyguard and a fat merchant are standing here.
You prepare to attack a fat merchant.
You skewer the fat merchant with your stiletto.
You perforate the fat merchant with your stiletto.
You killed the fat merchant.
The troll bodyguard checks for a potential danger