ok, let's try it again:

Once upon a time, in a land long forgotten, there was a half-elven lass named...

Wufflikins. She made up for the embarressment of this by training herself well in the arts of...

Needlepoint.  One day she was working on a large cushion cover when suddenly, ...

she realised that she'd sewn the wrong fabric onto it! In her rage, she ripped the cushion to shreds and threw it at...

the trash, but then she remembered that the cushion was to be delivered to the king by nightfall! in much trouble, Wufflikins...
(by the way, strange name)

travelled to the cushion shop and bought one, which she then delivered to the king. His reaction was...

he thought it was so amazing he appointed Wufflikins to the post of Royal Seamstress and immediately set her an highly urgent but near impossible task:

repairing his trousers. Unfortunately Wufflikins could see that the king's powerful fart had torn them beyond repair, so she set out to...

find the fabled fart-hole-fixer! who unfortunately is a dog! so she then...

sought the Holy Dog Biscuit of Numminess, found only in the Sacred Cave atop Snowy Mountain. As she prepared for her trek...

She found that she got all the supplies she needed from the king, because he is gullible beyond belief. Wufflikins packed...

some butter toffees and an exclamation sign and took off. in her way she encountered...

a giant squirrel, who was crying. He said "Help me" but nobody heard him because of the lack of punctuation. Wufflikins gave him the exclamation mark and, with a yell of "Thanks!" he bounded away...

... but first he gave her a magical nut, "eat this nut while you are thinking of something and you can sniff its location. It can locate anything except milkshakes cause the creator of this nut is tired of seeing milkshakes appearing" and rushed on to the woods. Wuffikins then...

thought of the fabled fart-hole fixer, and the disgusting smell of a wet dog filled her nostrils. Wuffikins then started on her journey to "sniff" out the dog. On her way she...

...met a wandering Throbbit, who told her "If you will help us find the Legendary Lost Holy Milkshake, we will tell you where the fart-hole-fixing dog lives. Wufflikins, who never thought much of Throbbits had other ideas, and said...

"Ooga-booga." This confused the Throbbit and he ran away in fear to find someone else to help him. Wufflikins then continued to search for the dog...

and ran into a throng of throbbits. They all stood in a line and wore crazy hats. One stepped forward and said "If you're looking for the fart-hole-fixer you must fulfill a quest for us or you will not proceed any farther". Wufflikins then...

decided that she might as well fulfil this quest, as she could see that these throbbits weren't going to get out of her way. "What must I do?" she sighed wearily, to which the throbbits replied...

[EDIT: Typos.]

One of the Throbbits stepped up and spoke with a Brooklyn accent. "First, ya have to find us the big cheese, see... Find us the cheese, or will make you sleep wit the..." One of the other throbbits thawpped the Brooklyn accented one, and said...