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Old 05-24-2005, 09:11 AM   #3
Jazuela
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: New England
Posts: 849
Jazuela will become famous soon enoughJazuela will become famous soon enough
I try to pack as much as I can into a small space. The game I play has coded clothing, so I don't need to write a new clothing desc paragraph every time she changes her shoes. Just "rem shoes/wear boots" and it's done.

The rules I go by when writing my character descriptions are the same as my builder rules:

Avoid passive voice. Show, don't tell. Let the reader decide how he feels about what he's reading, rather than instructing him how to feel. Break things up, avoid redundancy and repetition.

So instead of this:

This woman has long red hair. She has pale skin. Her eyes are green and her nose is crooked. Her muscles are thick and knotted. She has long legs and big feet.

I'd do something more like this:

Long red hair cascades from this woman's head, down over her pale neck. Her youthful green eyes gaze out at her surroundings, over a crooked nose. Thick corded muscles indicate a natural strength, while long legs carry her with a certain grace. Her oversized feet extend from a set of skinny ankles, creating an awkward image overall.

It's still fairly short, but manages to create an actual image, rather than serving as a mere "list of physical attributes."
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