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Your problem is that the data involved will expand exponentially with the number of users.
i.e. 10 users is 100 combinations, 100 users is 10000 combinations.
Some things I can think of to help are:
'Forgetting' if you don't talk to someone for a month they are moved into a forgetting list. Search the other list first each time. If someone is on the forgetting list for 3 months then remove them entirely.
(Obviously the times need working on).
You could possibly optimise things a lot by having groups as well. For example all members of the 'order of the light' could be assumed to know each other. Once you have been introduced to a certain % of a group you could assume you know the whole group (i.e. they have told you enough about the others). That sort of thing.
Whatever you do you are always going to need a lot of storage, and spend a lot of time searching that storage.
I think you really need to look at this idea and see if it is really going to add anything substantial to the game...
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