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The primary purpose of any text-based game should be fun. Your strict enforcement of roleplaying has a lot of appeal to some users, and they would lose that if you were to "give in and start letting things go." I think you should remain loyal to your users and continue to uphold the strict policies.
Of course, that leaves you with the problem that you stated. Your game may be too large for your user base to form a tight community. I dealt with this issue when we opened up a new "roleplaying" copy of my game where we intentionally kept the population low.
Reducing the size of your game could be a good idea, but then you're taking something away from your players which they may very much enjoy. Have you considered making transportation easier so that people can more quickly find each other? Additionally, beyond just "recommended playing times," instead perhaps you could run events at a specific time during the night. Then you're not just recommending a playing time, but you're encouraging usage during those hours.
Just my opinion, to be taken with a grain of salt ...
Melissa
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