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Earthmother · 07-26-2005, 02:02 PM

First off, I have sons. I will never have a daughter: more children are, by my choice, not in the cards for my future. So the answer to your question will be about hypothetical daughters, or about future daughters-in-law.

I would absolutely encourage my daughters to do whatever they find fulfilling in life. If it is their OWN dream to be President, or a doctor, I would encourage them both emotionally and financially.

BUT... if their dream is to become a 'mommy' (i.e. a stay at home mother), or a nurse, or a model, or an actress, or any other 'womans job', I will encourage them to fulfill that dream with the same vehemence I would encourage them to be anything else.

My point here is that women do NOT have to BE in the most high positions of power, to have power.

When we, as women, act as if traditional womens' roles are something 'less than,' we are doing all women a disservice. If we consider the things that women have traditionally done as something they were forced into, or if we believe those roles are not important, that only reinforces the idea that women as a whole are somehow less important.

This is THE great fallacy of 70's feminism. It took me 3 years of women's studies courses to realize this underlying fallacy, at which point I dropped the minor. It has taken me 3 MORE years of being a stay-at-home-mom to STOP feeling bad about myself for being one. I had been indoctrinated to believe that if a woman doesn't go out and RULE THE WORLD, she is meaningless. I never expected to be a stay at home mom, and when my life worked out so that that's what I became, I fell into a deep depression, because I was 'just doing the mom thing', as if that is somehow a worthless, meaningless thing to do.

It isn't.

Neither is any other "woman's role."

So-called "feminists" often have an expectation of other women that is unrealistic. Not everyone can BE president, not every woman WANTS to be a doctor or a scientist. Many, MANY women value family and child-rearing as THE main focus of a certain time in their lives. Many women do not put their career 'first' in life. In my experience with women, they tend to put RELATIONSHIPS first in their life, whether they are romantic, parental, friendship, or community-oriented relationships.

What's sad to me is that you, Fifi, are 'limiting' what a woman 'should be' to her career choice. Women are more than that. That idea that 'the job is the person' is a very... MALE way of viewing the world.

As for, "would I encourage a daughter of mine to become the 'mistress' to a high powered person?" [paraphrased quote, not direct]

Not particularly, because I think that kind of relationship is emotionally destructive. BUT... would I tell my daughter to support her husband/S.O. in his career, should he choose political life? You bet your butt I would. If she *wanted* to be a pol's wife, and they made that decision together, and that's how they wanted to live their life, you're darned tooting I would encourage her to support him, because I would know that this daughter would have the ear of someone making policy. And, you know what? If my son(s) marry a woman who wants to be high-powered, I would encourage HIM to support HER just as much.

I don't believe in raising someone to marry someone for their position of power or their money, I believe in raising people to carve out their own way in the world. I believe in raising them to follow their own dreams. But I do not believe that high-powered jobs or positions are the only 'right' dreams to have. People should be allowed to have smaller dreams, and if they are my children, I only want them to follow through and do the best they can in whatever dream they pursue, be it the Presidency or parenthood.

But I DO want my 'daughters' to have the RIGHT to become someone in a high position if they CHOOSE to do so. That is all that I ask, that the opportunities exist. I do not expect others to fulfill the opportunities, merely that any avenue is open to any person, should they choose to walk the path and make the sacrifices it takes to have what they want. As long as the opportunity exisits for women, I am content with that. If women choose not to take those opportunities, that is their own personal choice. There's room enough in the world for a lot of different ways of life.

07-26-2005, 02:02 PM	#15
Earthmother Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Home MUD: GateWay MUD Posts: 68	First off, I have sons. I will never have a daughter: more children are, by my choice, not in the cards for my future. So the answer to your question will be about hypothetical daughters, or about future daughters-in-law. I would absolutely encourage my daughters to do whatever they find fulfilling in life. If it is their OWN dream to be President, or a doctor, I would encourage them both emotionally and financially. BUT... if their dream is to become a 'mommy' (i.e. a stay at home mother), or a nurse, or a model, or an actress, or any other 'womans job', I will encourage them to fulfill that dream with the same vehemence I would encourage them to be anything else. My point here is that women do NOT have to BE in the most high positions of power, to have power. When we, as women, act as if traditional womens' roles are something 'less than,' we are doing all women a disservice. If we consider the things that women have traditionally done as something they were forced into, or if we believe those roles are not important, that only reinforces the idea that women as a whole are somehow less important. This is THE great fallacy of 70's feminism. It took me 3 years of women's studies courses to realize this underlying fallacy, at which point I dropped the minor. It has taken me 3 MORE years of being a stay-at-home-mom to STOP feeling bad about myself for being one. I had been indoctrinated to believe that if a woman doesn't go out and RULE THE WORLD, she is meaningless. I never expected to be a stay at home mom, and when my life worked out so that that's what I became, I fell into a deep depression, because I was 'just doing the mom thing', as if that is somehow a worthless, meaningless thing to do. It isn't. Neither is any other "woman's role." So-called "feminists" often have an expectation of other women that is unrealistic. Not everyone can BE president, not every woman WANTS to be a doctor or a scientist. Many, MANY women value family and child-rearing as THE main focus of a certain time in their lives. Many women do not put their career 'first' in life. In my experience with women, they tend to put RELATIONSHIPS first in their life, whether they are romantic, parental, friendship, or community-oriented relationships. What's sad to me is that you, Fifi, are 'limiting' what a woman 'should be' to her career choice. Women are more than that. That idea that 'the job is the person' is a very... MALE way of viewing the world. As for, "would I encourage a daughter of mine to become the 'mistress' to a high powered person?" [paraphrased quote, not direct] Not particularly, because I think that kind of relationship is emotionally destructive. BUT... would I tell my daughter to support her husband/S.O. in his career, should he choose political life? You bet your butt I would. If she wanted to be a pol's wife, and they made that decision together, and that's how they wanted to live their life, you're darned tooting I would encourage her to support him, because I would know that this daughter would have the ear of someone making policy. And, you know what? If my son(s) marry a woman who wants to be high-powered, I would encourage HIM to support HER just as much. I don't believe in raising someone to marry someone for their position of power or their money, I believe in raising people to carve out their own way in the world. I believe in raising them to follow their own dreams. But I do not believe that high-powered jobs or positions are the only 'right' dreams to have. People should be allowed to have smaller dreams, and if they are my children, I only want them to follow through and do the best they can in whatever dream they pursue, be it the Presidency or parenthood. But I DO want my 'daughters' to have the RIGHT to become someone in a high position if they CHOOSE to do so. That is all that I ask, that the opportunities exist. I do not expect others to fulfill the opportunities, merely that any avenue is open to any person, should they choose to walk the path and make the sacrifices it takes to have what they want. As long as the opportunity exisits for women, I am content with that. If women choose not to take those opportunities, that is their own personal choice. There's room enough in the world for a lot of different ways of life.