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It sounds to me like you are looking for an ideal more than what any one place out there can provide. It's tough to find exactly what you want. I'm firmly convinced that there's no MUD out there yet which has close to what I want. And...well to that extent I have a couple words of not quite wisdom to probably just bolster what's already in your heart.
Don't give up MUDding. You've put too much time, effort, money (most people at least pay for the internet connection), creativity, soul, etc into it (if you've been RPing anyway) to give up now.
I would preface the next with a question: How much administration experience do you have on MUDs? If you are thinking of running your own, that's something to consider. It's tough, ask anyone who's done it.
Getting a position at a place you like to play at can be a great way to
a) make that game into more of what you want as a player
b) give you valuable experience for when the time comes to start your own little haven in the midst of this vast internet.
Because I think that if you feel strongly about it, you should grasp that and make it a reality. Find yourself a couple good coders who you can sway over to your vision. Get them excited about what you are trying to build.
Trying to tackle the running of a whole MUD, from administration, to building, to coding, to quest running, to... all alone is near impossible, it's what I have to do on the MUD I'm at most of the time.
So really, go get some people, make sure to sell them real well on your vision, and start your own place. Just make sure to be aware that it probably won't be exactly your vision in the end (it's hard to control what type of pbase you end up with for example). And above all, good luck no matter what you go with.
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