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Earlier today, at a Red Cross office:
Matt: Hi. I understand the Red Cross hates Japanese-Americans.
Employee: I have no idea what you're talking about. Federal law prohibits such a thing, it's incompatible with our mission, and there are countless examples showing that we treat Japanese-Americans like we treat all Americans. Could you explain?
Matt: Well, I bribed one of your employees to say something negative about them out loud. It's right here on this tape.
Employee: Well, that would be against our rules, and that employee would be fired if they did say that while on the job. It certainly wouldn't reflect on the Red Cross. May I see the tape?
Matt: Sure. (*Hands it over.*)
Employee: Sir, this is a cassette of Weird Al Yankovic's "In 3-D" album, with "I heart A.Y." scrawled in crayon on one side, and "Red Cross Evidence" scrawled on the other. I just played a piece, and it's just polka medleys.
Matt: Well, I don't have an actual proof it happened. But it theoretically could happen, and I could theoretically bribe an employee to say that on behalf of the organization, and that's what's important. It's how I came to the conclusion that the Red Cross is a commercial enterprise that hates Japanese-Americans.
Employee: Might I interest you in one of our mental health brochures?
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