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The only way I've found to do this is not to start RPing a relationship with someone who is giving off warning signs of instability, underage, inexperience, or obsession. However, it's still possible to be fooled and find out that someone who had seemed very stable is in fact completely losing it.
If I figure the situation is not a good one, it HAS to end regardless of the perceived rejection in the other player. It will just get worse and worse if someone's getting too emotionally bent out of shape over the storyline. So, the sooner the better.
I have had all sorts of different online presences in the many years I've been online (since the BBS days), and I also find that the less you make your offline life available to people online, the less they assume they are going to meet you and marry you. If they can't call you and can't find you, there is a wall there that they're aware of from day 1 that seems to make the 'game only' intent quite clear.
Again, it comes down to priorities. I get all I want in terms of human connections in my real life, so for me, roleplaying online is PURELY about story creation. Therefore, my entire online presence (or lack thereof - I've been accused of being an AI) is geared toward that end. There's no hinted rendezvous offline, no netsex in IMs, no suggestions that I might in any way be in love with or in lust with the other player nor will ever be. If there's any confusion in that regard, it was in no way instigated by me.
I know that takes the fun out of it for some folks, but once more, it's about what's important to your online fun. Know your priorities, put them unequivocably in action, and the odds are you will have less unintended distraction from your brand of entertainment. If your fun is to fall in love with people online (or have them fall in love with you) then your goals are different than mine and my methods are not going to apply.
---Brett
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