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1. Harshlands, SoI, and Arm feature this.
2. Harshlands, SoI, and Arm feature this.
3. Harshlands, SoI, and Arm feature the "living" (getting xp is absent, thankfully, in all three). Advancing is a matter of perspective. Advance as in you eventually become king? No. Advancing as in your character grows, gets better at skills, and forms relationships within the community. Yes.
4. Harshlands is huge. Arm, I've yet to explore adequately to comment sufficiently. SoI is extremely small in comparison.
4a. Harshlands, SoI, and Arm feature this.
4b. Harshlands, SoI, and Arm feature this, though SoI lacks herbalism.
4c. Harshlands definitely does. I believe Arm does too.
5. Arm's got the largest pbase of the three. SoI comes in second. Harshlands has the smallest of the three. Each has a big enough pbase for RP since RP at the least requires only oneself and can easily be achieved without dozens of people around you. That said, if you're in the right spot (wandering in the wilderness isn't likely to create lots of encounters), you will meet others.
6. All three are welcoming to new players since they don't know you're a new player, only perhaps a new character (or at least, that is, one that they haven't met before).
7. Halfway-believable is sort of difficult when you consider that they're all fantasy. However, in terms of political, economic, and social aspects, I'd give the edge to Harshlands, with Arm in a close second. Now, in terms of believability of the setting, Harshlands blows Arm out of the water as does SoI. A well thought-out storyline/theme? Well, storyline and theme are really two different things since there can be many storylines happening simultaneously while the theme is constant. Harshlands has the best theme by far. SoI is Tolkien-based so it's got flaws. Arm's even worse. Storyline-wise, Harshlands and Arm feature multiple small-scale storylines while SoI has the same with an encompassing storyline that guides the game toward LOTR centuries later.
8. In all cases, the races are similar and probably familiar to most fans of fantasy. Harshlands features fewer races than the others, but there is documentation on these races' exact nature and how they differ from similar races (ie, how Sindarin differ from Tolkien's elves) in other formats available through Columbia Games' Harn material. Each features races that are unique to their game, though I can't guarantee that's what you mean when you say "creative and balanced".
Since you've tried SoI and Arm and didn't find them to your liking, I suggest you try Harshlands. However, just to ensure your experience with the other two wasn't a fluke, you might give them another chance as well just to be certain.
Take care,
Jason
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