I found this particular MUD one day, totally random. I joined it, worked very hard, and, through a special application that took about a month, my character was given rare skills and powers.
I was playing her for a good while. But my personality seemed to clash with most of the other mudders there. Eventually, it was such a bad situation that I knew I had to leave.
But, I mean, you can't just
leave, can you? There are those people that I love who weren't logged on and who I wouldn't get to say goodbye to, as well that I was in the middle of a few major RPs. And I knew in my heart that I would be seen as the badguy for deleting.
But, what was more important? My own wellfare, or that of a few plots'?
In the end (just a few seconds ago, actually) I chose myself. I've been kicked off of about three MUD's now, because I knew that I had to leave and I couldn't bring myself to type "delete <password>" and just leave. How can you? And this character was very rare, very strong. I had worked alot... so, isn't that the final temptation? Give up what you most wanted for peace of mind? I'll never again worry about logging into that place, that sick dread when I typed my char's name, but.... what exactly is it that I'm going to miss?
Oddly enough, one of the head IMM's that I didn't get along with and I were talking before I deleted. We were telling each other exactly what bothered us about the other. Always before, he had to have the last word... which usually ended up with me being silenced. It wasn't even two minutes ago that I typed delete, then my password, and my char was gone forever that we had another argument; but I can't remember who had the last word, and I don't really care, either.
I know that I didn't handle the situation as well as someone older than me could have. But I don't know how to leave a bad situation. Some of you are going to give me odd looks, and think, "Just leave. Pack your bags and go." But it isn't that easy. There are human emotions involved, greed and lust and envy and that ever constant, "Am I doing the right thing?" feeling, deep in the pit of your stomach. But, today, I am proud to say that I walked away from something bad.