[chaosprime]

I think it's down to what kind of game you're playing. If the way things are done is essentially cooperative storytelling, as if you're all co-authoring a novel while having primary responsibility for one character's point of view each, then to unilaterally cause major effects on someone else's territory without their knowledge is completely irresponsible and non-participative.

If your game is about strictly role-playing a character, without OOC cooperation, that's another story, and not telling the lord what's going on is precisely what you should do.

Refusing to tell when asked is, obviously, only appropriate to the second kind of game, and does indeed say "I don't trust you to keep IC and OOC separate". And in that sort of game, I don't imagine anyone but the most demonstratedly hardcore, someone who can let their favorite character die ignominiously rather than use OOC information, should be trusted to keep IC and OOC separate.

The key is that everyone should know what kind of game is being played up front. Presumably that's not the case in your situation. It certainly appears that the lord thinks he's playing type A and you think you're playing type B.