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Some of my characters have been "feminine" and some haven't. All have been female, in my current game. That's where I'm coming from, my point of personal reference. That said, I can identify a few players who do an outstanding job of playing *people* rather than *sexual beings.* I think the best way to go about supporting that, is to bring those players into the forefront, use them as examples of exemplary "non-stereotype" characters.
Unfortunately, new players to games that have male and female equal in social status, won't necessarily grasp that idea as seriously as it's intended. The female player will typically want her character to be gorgeous. Perfect curves, flawless skin, big boobs, silky shiny hair..all the makings of the typical what's her name on the Roger Rabbit movie.
It's fantasy, and in real life, women often look at models in magazines and think, "Oh but if only I could look like THAT..."
and in the MUD, they have that opportunity, by extension.
Men do the same with their bulky muscles and 6-pack abs in their male characters.
They want to become their notion of the "ideal" of their gender, for a few hours a day.
I don't really think there's a sure-fired solution to it, unless you impose rules like "people with pale skin in this game are to be considered mutants. Normal people in this game are ALL dark skinned." or "If your character has big boobs, she will be compared to the game equivalent of a cow and laughed out of town, because in THIS game, normal women are flat-chested." or "If your male character has 6-pack abs, it means he is a lowly commoner scum - and MUST be treated as such, because in THIS game, normal male characters are so emaciated and dehydrated that they exhibit the typical starvation-pot-belly."
It has to be reinforced by veteran players, and by staff members animating NPCs. If veterans and staffers fail to apply these consistently, without yielding to the "innocent newbie who doesn't know any better," then it will fail, and you end up back where you started.
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