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Old 12-04-2007, 12:49 PM   #1
KaVir
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Santa Claws returns to God Wars II


'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the village,
Nobody was spared from the long brutal pillage;
The men had been hanged, drawn and quartered,
The women impaled, the children slaughtered.

The babies were decapitated while asleep in their beds,
And the blood still oozed from their small severed heads;
Poor mamma with her armour, and crossbow in hand,
Had climbed to the roof to make her last stand.

When out in the square there arose such a clatter,
I leapt down from the loft to see what was the matter.
Across to the window I made a mad dash,
Longbow held ready, I peeked through the sash.

The moon on the breast of the blood-soaked snow,
Gave the lustre of sunset to objects below,
When, what to my terrified eyes should appear,
But the infamous Doom Sleigh, and eight dire reindeer.

With a twisted old driver, so covered in gore,
That my bile rose up, and I spewed on the floor.
More rapid than vultures his foul beasts they came,
And he chortled, and cackled, and called them by name!

'Now, Cutter! Now, Chopper! Now, Crusher and Masher!
On, Slayer! On Flayer! On, Slicer and Slasher!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now kill them! Kill them! Kill them all!'

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the foul beasts they flew,
With the sleigh full of corpses, and Santa Claws too.

And then, with a panic, I heard on the roof,
The scratching and clawing of each sharpened hoof.
As I drew forth my sword, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Santa Claws came with a bound.

He was covered in blood, from his head to his foot,
And his sharp claws were tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of heads he had tied to his sleigh,
And he looked like a butcher on opening day.

His eyes -- how they glowed! It made my knees weak!
His cheeks like rough granite, his nose like a beak!
His huge gaping mouth stank of the dead,
And the beard on his chin was streaked through with red.

The corpse of a child was clamped tight in his maw,
And the blood dripping from it pooled on the floor;
He had a broad face, long arms and wide feet,
And his fat belly wobbled from all the raw meat.

He was chubby and plump, from eating my neighbours,
I screamed when I saw him, for his claws were like sabres;
A snap of his jaws and a twist of his head,
My throat was ripped out, the whole room sprayed red.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Flayed the skin from my body; pulled it free with a jerk,
He sliced flesh and snapped bones, as swiftly he dined,
Then wiping his mouth, up the chimney he climbed.

He mounted his sleigh, to his team tossed a bone,
And away they all flew on the journey back home.
But I heard him complain, ere the life fled my body,
'The eating was good, but the service was shoddy.'



Winterland has returned to God Wars II - a Christmas-themed world populated with amusing opponents, including:

Santa Claws: The vicious and sadistic Santa Claws (named after the 3-inch blades that extend from his fingertips) flies on the Doom Sleigh. If Santa is killed or knocked off his sleigh, it will carry on fighting without him. Break his sleigh and you can take the sack of goodies!

Christmas Treant: A particularly nasty treant, the Christmas Treant is aided by the cruel little fairy sat on its head, who uses her wand to cast spells on the treant's enemies.

Animated nutcracker: One of Santa's evil toys, the Nutcracker always targets the groin with its powerful crushing attacks. The wise explorer should strap on an extra tough codpiece before taking on these sadistic creations.

Giant killer turkey: Huge muscle-bound turkeys, mutated by evil magic and trained by master ninjas. They'll peck your eyes out if you're not careful - but they make a fine christmas meal!

Giant snowman: The giant snowman is a master of ranged combat, hurling snowballs with incredible force and accuracy. He is particularly vulnerable to fire damage.

Gingerbread giant: Run, run, as fast as you can... You won't outrun the gingerbread giant and his chocolate maul.

Dire patridge: These gigantic fearsome birds live in Peartree Forest, eating anything and anyone that gets in their way.

Dire reindeer: These powerful beasts are the size of an elephant, and fight with their hooves and antlers.

Dire carol singer: Most carol singers are pretty bad, but these ones are absolutely dire. Their singing can cause headaches, deafness and internal bleeding, and if you listen long enough your head may literally explode. Note that the carol posted at the start of this post is one of five that the carol singers will sing.

Snap-dragon: This tasty-looking dragon has a mean flaming brandy breath attack, but can drop some (literally) sweet craftable dragonscale.

Note that Winterland is only available to classed characters (classing typically takes 10-20 hours for first-time players, and 3-5 hours for those who have played before).

To learn more about the mud, visit the God Wars II website - or to play, telnet to godwars2.com 3000

God Wars II: Roomless world. Manual combat. Endless possibilities.

Last edited by KaVir : 12-04-2007 at 01:04 PM.
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Old 12-09-2007, 12:23 AM   #2
Muirdach
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Re: Santa Claws returns to God Wars II

I have to say, that sounds scarily awesome. And painful, especially the nutcrackers, yowtch.
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Old 12-11-2007, 09:15 PM   #3
KaVir
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Re: Santa Claws returns to God Wars II

Quote:
Originally Posted by Muirdach View Post
I have to say, that sounds scarily awesome. And painful, especially the nutcrackers, yowtch.
They're based on this sort of thing, and they are indeed rather painful...

An animated nutcracker draws his war hammers.

An animated nutcracker swings at a young man's groin with his left war hammer.
A young man sidesteps to the right of an animated nutcracker's bash.

An animated nutcracker bashes his right war hammer between a young man's legs, crushing bones and rupturing organs!
The young man's body goes limp.
An animated nutcracker clamps his jaws shut around a dead man's head.
An animated nutcracker whips his jaws from side to side, tearing flesh.

An animated nutcracker bashes his left war hammer into a dead man's groin.
A dead man crashes to the wooden floor.

An animated nutcracker bashes his right war hammer into a dead man's groin.

An animated nutcracker bashes his left war hammer into a dead man's groin.

An animated nutcracker shouts, 'NUTS! NUTS! I JUST LOVE CRACKING THOSE NUTS!'
An animated nutcracker sheathes his war hammers at his waist.
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