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Old 10-29-2003, 06:50 PM   #1
Badger
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Unhappy

For me and my buddies, this has been a much debated subject, is it okay, or proper ettiquite to have a ooc (Out Of Character) as well as an  ic (in character)  girlfriend or boyfriend?  
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Old 10-29-2003, 08:00 PM   #2
Amnon
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It depends... Lots of people cheat on their gf/bf and think it's ok, so if you're one of these people, sure

My sense of morality, however, suggests that even though it's not physical, RPing a relationship is one step above chat rooms, meaning I don't think it's ok. Unless your IC relationship isn't really played through, and you don't spend all day kissing and hugging.

Answer yourself this: What will your girlfriend think about it if she caught you with your IC gf?

If the answer is bad, just don't do it.


That's, of course, just my own personal opinion
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Old 10-29-2003, 09:02 PM   #3
Badger
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After seeing Amnons post, I came up with another question to add on to the rest, do you think it would help knowing your ic g/f ooc?
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Old 10-29-2003, 09:57 PM   #4
Jaenelle
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Or you could be like my roommate... who dumped her real life boyfriend who lives with her... in favor of someone she knows On Everquest... Significant Others have a reason to be worried about people you become attached to online... Enough people meet through muds and other online games and end up together in real life that you need to be very careful that your ic gf remains ic and that ooc you aren't attached to her in that way...
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Old 10-30-2003, 01:02 AM   #5
John
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Here's an idea no-one has suggested. Ask her.
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Old 10-30-2003, 01:48 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by (Jaenelle @ Oct. 29 2003,20:57)
Or you could be like my roommate... who dumped her real life boyfriend who lives with her... in favor of someone she knows On Everquest...
With all due respect and meaning no offense, ma'am, your roommate is the pure abstract culmination of all that is evil and despicable in this world, and deserves to have a dull, splintery wooden stake driven through the hollow blackness which we very loosely call her heart.
Meaning no disrespect, of course.
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Old 10-30-2003, 09:25 AM   #7
jornel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
Erdos wrote:

With all due respect and meaning no offense, ma'am, your roommate is the pure abstract culmination of all that is evil and despicable in this world, and deserves to have a dull, splintery wooden stake driven through the hollow blackness which we very loosely call her heart.
Or maybe, after spending some time interacting ic with other people, she realized what a dolt she was living with?  How can this be considered 'evil?'

Quote:
Originally Posted by
Badger wrote:

For me and my buddies, this has been a much debated subject, is it okay, or proper ettiquite to have a ooc (Out Of Character) as well as an  ic (in character)  girlfriend or boyfriend?  
As to ic/ooc relationships, if the feelings are real, then its real enough to cause harm to other relationships.  Genuine intimacy ic  is still genuine intimacy.

Maybe the desire to have a relationship with someone else ic, is based on some dissatisfaction that person has with their ooc partner.  If there is still value in that ooc relationship,  talk it over and sort things out.
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Old 10-30-2003, 01:09 PM   #8
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A lot of it depends on if the IC girlfriend is roleplay or not. All of the IC girlfriends I have had were just for status or whatever, it wasn't serious and I wasn't emotionally involved. Kind of like joining a guild, or a city.

A lot of them I was really good friends with OOC too... that just always seems to work with me.

If I found myself getting attached to any of my IC girlfriends, I would consider it cheating. And while it appears that only I know if I am getting attached, someone who is in a relationship with you CAN TELL when your heart is somewhere else. And once you are cheating period, you need to reevaluate and do some self-examination.

And converserly, communication is important in any relationship. Some people have open relationships that actually work. Its all about needs, if a game is providing needs your partner cant.. thats something to look at. The one thing a real life girlfriend wants to feel, is that she is valued more than any other woman. No one likes to feel second best.

I used to think IC relationships were stupid and pointless. Now I reconsider. Take the girl who left the guy she was living with and married some guy on evercrack. I don't know any details on the situation.. but imagine this.

A large amount of males only value females for their bodies. Its quite possible she discovered the wonderful world of.. oh my god I have something else to offer a man besides sex, online.

On the other hand, A large amount of females only value themselves by their body. The cold reality hits online that they may have a perfect body, but it doesn't matter and they have to actually be nice and provide something a little more.

Just my $0.02.
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Old 10-30-2003, 02:59 PM   #9
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There is a lot to be said for having a clear separation between our real and our fantasy lives.
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Old 10-30-2003, 03:03 PM   #10
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Depends on the IC girlfriend, depends on the OOC girlfriend. I don't think this is something you can lay down rules written in stone on, because everyone's personal values on it will be different.

I doubt very much that I'll ever get married on a MUD again. Last time I did that, it caused no end of trouble, and I suspect my life would be a whole lot simpler if I never had. Instead, I've got the fun and games of trying to sort out green cards whilst I work on marrying my Mudspouse in RL. Let this be a lesson to you all ;)
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Old 10-30-2003, 07:11 PM   #11
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The key is setting boundaries. An IC relationship should stay IC, and likewise with an ooc relationship.

At one time I had an ooc bf who got all jealous of this guy who flirted with my char ICly, and it annoyed the crap out of me. a) there was nothing going on between my char and The Flirter oocly, and b) there was nothing going on between my char and my bf's char ICly. So I don't see that it was any of my bf's business what I chose to do in that situation.

Sure there's the possibility that an IC relationship will turn into a RL relationship, but how is that any different than a RL friendship turning into a RL romance? Why should someone's ooc partner feel any more threatened by their online friends than their RL friends?

Personally I think having IC romantic relationships can add a lot of depth to the game, if it's a RP game anyway. (If it's H&S, chances are it doesn't make a bit of difference to anything heh.) I don't see why I should have to sacrifice interesting RP (read: interesting emotionally, not a bunch of mudsex ) for the sake of an ooc bf who's probably just got Jealous Man Syndrom a.k.a. She's Mine, You %#$*@!. Now if I engaged in detailed mudsex, sure he'd have a right to be ****ed, but I don't. I don't *like* detailed mudsex. It's just not my thing. I far prefer "and then some other stuff happened" heh.
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