Easy off pot scrubber mark 3

fellow adventurers. Have you ever had those kind of saucers that stick to anything you cook in it? Has those refried beans never left the pot? youspacingbardoesnotwork?(scratch that last one). Well, your prayers have been heard, as Magical Enterprises inc. now releases The Easy Pot Scrubber Mark 3!! With 85% more scratching power than ever before! plus, it has been added with an easy powering off due to some problems with the previous versions. Just grab one of those babies and feel their mean cleansing power!! only in Magical Enterprises inc. for a cost in 548 gold it's a steal!

Warning: do not use for personal cleansing uses unless you are an umberhulkl.

next up: inflatable orc.

Inflatable Orc

Created by a rather...odd mage with a taste for...interesting safe-guards, the inflatable orc is just that: an orc that inflates.
However, as a result of its' inflation, it does not withstand puncture wounds well. The creator-mage also discovered that it's about as easy to control as any other orc, meaning: inflate it at your own risk.

Next up: Magi-clock.

Am I the only one who checks this any more?

*blows the dust off the thread*

Is anyone else out there?

long time no see rytorth. remember me? we went back and forth on word association for a long time. anyways...

Magi-Clock
A magical clock made as an expierment by a group of novice mages, it can shrink and expand so that it can fit into any sized bag, purse, or pocket. It is made magically enhanced iron, which is stronger and shinier then normal iron. It floats on its own, it can speak, and it can even be used as a shield when its expanded to a larger size. It can do everything. well... except keep time, because the mages, young and whimsy as they are, got bored and neglected to add the key feature.

Next Item:
Bronze Snail

Bronze Snail.

The Bronze Snail is an item of fantastic legend and lore.  The snail elders designed an ingenious item of great destruction.  The force that created the cosmos was bound in the likeness of a snail forged of bronze.  This snail has been wielded by few over the ages.  It was created by the first great god when the cosmos burst into existence.  Those few who have wielded it have always ruled.  With the snail in hand, smelted on the top of a staff, mace, bound onto a sceptre, or placed in the hilt of a sword, the snail can give almost limitless power to those who are willing to use it.  It can slow time, make its user invisible, or any manner of things only limited by its possessor's imagination.  The snail is said to be in a great stone casket that rests on the crest of the first star in the sky.  It would take a true greatness to knock it from the blackness and claim its power.

Prismatic Cotton Pants

Dunno how good it is, but it's fixed.

Statue of Gods

Purchased at a tacky tourist shop, the statue of gods has the power to look incredibly corny no matter where you put it. It's original home was the aquarium of the devil, where fish were forced to view the bright neon colors and incredible unsuitability for the otherwise perfect aquarium. It now resides in the theme restaurant down the street next to the moose head.

Next Artifact: The Rat of Ribaldry

The Rat of Ribaldry

A wooden carving of a rat, this tchotchke has been cursed to cause any who carry it to tell an endless stream of ribald jokes. The curse was originally placed by a mage, to discredit a rival who was fond of rats.

Next Up: Everlasting Trail-Mix

*brushes the dust off quickly*

Anyone out there?

You didn't post a new artifact name.

Gaaah....
Thought something was missing. Thanks.

Okay, I've got an artifact.
Polearm of... Nevermind. Oh wait!.. No...

Just disregard that last post.
The Gay Blackjack
That's the artifact. The Gay Blackjack.

Gay as in happy. As in a blackjack so gay that it engulfs its surroundings in a rainbow of colors. A myriad of hues that dance across surfaces like pixie dust. Now that's gay right there. Happy gay.

The Gay Blackjack

The gayest blackjack in the world, it happily clobbers its victims with a gusto unrivaled by the greatest of jolly Santa-impersonator-thieves. Made of sunshine and soda-pop which has been passed through a powerful specialized stasis field, it emits horribly gay music when used by particularly gay muggers. It may cast 'prismatic spray' of its own free will, and does so when extremely happy; Unfortunately, its difficult to tell what will make the blackjack happy at any given moment, and it is liable to go off any time.

Next item: The Ivory Sphere